Do I have worth? This is a question I ask myself every time the hub and the bub subsides in our homeschool life.
Without the daily caring for my children and husband and teaching and planning for new lessons, do I have worth?
Am I intrinsically worthy? That I question. I grew up thinking that worth was defined by my achievements in life. The success of my career, the level of education I attained. And then I radically transformed myself into a stay-at-home homeschooling mom whose goals were teaching my kids and being as thrifty as possible, and trying to build some home-based revenue streams on the side.
Now, on hot summer mornings when I go about the washing and cleaning tasks that begin my days, I find myself wondering if I really have worth.
And then my kids wake and the stillness breaks and as I gear up for another day I realize that I do have worth, but it is not as a shining star to be admired. It is as the support for my kids and my husband.
Twenty years ago my worth was defined by my achievements and today my worth is defined by the achievements of my children and my husband. It is a completely different life, but perhaps equally worthy.
This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday link-up!
8 Responses
So many thoughts ran through my head as I read your words. My first inclination — I’m a mom, after all lol — was to reassure you and tell you that of course you have great worth and that what you are doing is far more worthy than our culture (and sometimes even we Christian moms) indicate it is. But even before I got to the last line, I knew you know that despite any momentary niggling doubts. And I thought of how much I cherished the one year (long story) of homeschooling we did and how I wish in many ways we’d continued. Then, quite honestly, I envied you a bit. Yes, I know I’m not supposed to do that, but as an empty-nester (and widow), oh how I long for my 2 to wake up in my house again, to eat 3 meals a day at our table, etc. 🙂 And lastly, I was curious about your home-based revenue streams. 🙂 I love that phrase “but not as a shining star to be admired” — it resonates with me. Thank you! (your FMF neighbor — Patti at http://www.pattimiinch.com)
Thank You! As I get older, I realize that I will soon be an empty nester as well, and thoughts of what I will do once the intensive child rearing part of my life comes to a close lead me often down winding and treacherous roads. It is reassuring to read a bit of your story and see that the world does not end when your children grow up and you are left alone. Thank you.
“not as a shining star to be admired” – oh how that phrase is true but at the same time hurts. We see so much that is determined to have “worth” that is shining and bright and sometimes I wish that I were seen that way. Then, I hear my sweet daughter say “Momma, your hugs are the best.” And I know that shining star has nothing on me! Such a wonderful, touching post! I loved it more than words can say. Thank you!
I love your daughter’s words! And thank you for your kind thoughts! This was a hard one to write and post out for the world to see.
that is an interesting perspective….to see your worth in your support of others. I like it. 🙂
Thanks!
I don’t have kids yet, but I can relate to these questions… I left a job I loved to move away, get married, and start a new life doing similar work in a much smaller capacity. I realized along the way I had turned my work and accomplishments into an idol, and that there was something sweet and beautiful about letting that go. You do have worth, but I think you know that! Your work matters so much! 🙂 Thanks for sharing so honestly.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate to the concept of having turned work and accomplishments into an idol. And yes, I agree that letting go is sweet and beautiful!