I am not ready to say goodbye. I wish the planet turned more slowly. I wish I could slow time and make these last few years of homeschooling last forever. You have no idea how much I wish. . . Can you make that happen for me?
But my kids have dreams that are truly bursting at the seams.
They are filled with plans and opportunities for the future. These next two years will be wonderful and glorious, but I am afraid that they will be gone before I know it. I just want to stop and stare each day to take in everything I can.
These are days filled with recapitulations.
We revisit favorite museums and hiking trails. As we walk through these old haunts, my memories of old trips to these places with my young children come along. I remember the wonder in their eyes when they were invited into an unopened gallery by a guard who wanted to show them a glorious art-filled room. It seems like yesterday that my daughter touched her first stingray at the petting pool and her eyes lit like fireflies. As we pass a spot in a favorite trail, I think back on the days when I would have to pack drinks and food and hats and coats for everyone before we could take a hike. These days, they tell me that it is time and I grab my my keys and off we go. It is so different now, but I know it is getting closer to when I will need to say goodbye to this life.
But these are beautiful times.
Teenagers are so close to adults. In so many ways they are already grown and yet at the same time they need that extra hug to help them get the courage to try something new. You still hold their hearts in your hands, and yet they are big now and wander further and further from you. I just am not certain I am ready for them to wander away completely just yet.
There is so much of life there is to live when you are a teenager.
You want everything to happen soon. You cannot wait to get your driver’s license and your first job. You are planning your future and you feel you are ready to go try it on your own. And so you race faster and faster towards the exit, so ready to fly!
But I am not ready for them to fly just yet. I don’t want to say goodbye just yet.
My twins joined our family in a rush. They came into this world, one right after the other, and filled our life completely. Ever since that day, they have filled our world. I can count on one hand the number of date nights we have had as a couple since we became parents. Why would we want to leave our kids? They are my most precious gift. What could possibly be better?
I know we still have two years, I am just afraid it will fly by. And so I wish my door could be left open just a bit longer. Just a crack. I really am not ready to say farewell to this life yet.
