Mom means being there. Even at the drop of a hat.
I have no idea why it took me 16 years to realize that what I do for myself must fit into the nooks and crannies of my day.
If you are the kind of person who needs to follow things through to completion, I can tell you right now that it can be really hard to be a mom. Last night I was almost done with a set of work tasks – just finishing up editing an affiliate blog site and the daughter came in to tell me the toilet chain was broken, again.
My first reaction would be to file it onto that everlasting list of household tasks and get to it later, but she needed me to affirm her concern, now. Right away.
So my work took a back seat and I went off to dismantle the toilet with my daughter.
THAT is how life as a mother need to work. But it is really hard to recognize that when all the external voices keep telling you to put yourself first. You see it in advertising, you hear it in self-help webinars and life coaching sessions.
Everywhere you turn, moms are urged to think of themselves first. “Fix you first, and then worry about your family,” say the voices in our society.
But if you follow those voices you will find yourself self-centered. For me, motherhood is a journey of selflessness. It is a complete dedication to growing my children into adults.
Besides, if you follow the voices urging self-care first, you will miss your kids’ childhood. And how long is that in comparison to your whole life?
Do you remember Mr. Rogers? Well, when my kids were born I bought a used copy of his book about parenting. There is one concept, one phrase from that book that stuck with me all these years in the good times and the bad. Here it is: your children are only young for a short time so you are only giving up a little to devote yourself to them for these few years of their childhood. (I paraphrased this a bit but that is the essence of his book)
I think you just have to focus on yourself in the spaces between. You can use those spaces of time when no one needs you to fulfill a creative and concerted focus on you and your needs. That is how moms have done things for. . . well, forever. So why try to fix what is not broken? Yes, it is hard but no one ever said it would be easy. Glorious and joyful, yes. Easy, never.
What do you think? Are you willing to set aside your personal development, allow it to grow in the short pieces of time between your primary focus as mom? It is such a short amount of time that you even have that opportunity and when it is gone that is it. It is over. You will never get that chance again to sit with your child and play dolls, or trucks, or fingerpaint, or dance to music and laugh together.
I bet that is where your heart is. Remember, mom means being there. You just need to look for those little moments of time between, and use them for YOU.
