Sex by Design

A review of Sex by Design by Abby Ludvigson

Sex is one of those topics that we struggle to teach, and that is why I was so happy to review Sex by Design by Abby Ludvigson. We can all probably remember how confusing and embarrassing the topic was when we were teenagers. But did any of us realize how confusing the topic for us as parents when we are faced with the prospect of teaching our own children. About sex.

I have a science background and so it was easy when my kids were younger to fall back on the zoologist in me. I could describe the mechanics of reproduction and development all day long without actually discussing sex. That worked for my middle school aged kids.

But now that my children are in high school, they want to know more. And that is when it gets really hard.

What Comes with the Product

Sex by Design is a text and video-based curriculum that depends completely on you talking with your child. . . all the way through. It is a wonderful tool to help you find the words to discuss sex and purity with your teen.

There are two books and a DVD that come with the curriculum. The first book is the parent edition. This is the biggest – which makes sense since you are the one who has to do most of the talking. Abby helps you out in the parent edition with lots of guidance and suggestions and walks your through the full curriculum.

You can teach the curriculum one on one, in a group setting in your home, or even in a Co-Op. What I like best is that Abby just lays out options for you and even says in her book that you need to approach this subject with you children in your own unique way. That is so important as it gave me the confidence to try it our own way. If I had handed my children the teen edition book and a pen and sat down with them to watch the DVD lectures, I know with full certainty that it would not have gone well in our homeschool. Our way needed to be different.

How We Used Sex by Design

My husband and I sat down together when we began reviewing Sex by Design to formulate a game plan. We decided that for the majority of the review we would not even tell our kids about the books and videos.

We decided to hunt for spontaneous opportunities to weave the ideas that Abby Ludvigson promotes about sexual purity into everyday conversations.
We read the very instructive parent edition. We talked over the ideas together. And then we watched for moments when my kids brought up conversations with friends and ideas related to sex and marriage and how you find relationships.

But where would I find the opportunities to talk about Sex by Design with my teens?

I was a bit worried that we would not find these spontaneous opportunities but boy was I wrong! After I had read a segment of the Sex by Design program through and watched the video, I realized that my kids were talking about those ideas all the time. They would mention an acquaintance who thought wanted to start dating and how they had counseled the boy to wait until he was older.

Once I was looking for it, I realized my kids often discussed dating and sex. My children have friends who wear purity rings and they both already understood the concept of purity, but they really wanted to talk more about it. And I did not realize that my kids wanted to talk more until we began the curriculum.

And so I discovered there were many opportunities. All I had to do was look for them.

The next time a conversation about sex and marriage came up between my kids, I joined in. We talked about purity and why people wait. We started watching the first video in the course, but soon paused for questions my kids wanted to discuss. We talked about the sanctity of marriage. We talked about so much and for so long that it was nearly 2 am before we stopped.

It was not exactly comfortable. My kids took turns being embarrassed, but they really did not want to stop talking and asking questions.

I realized that Sex by Design is a wonderful forum for discussing marriage and that deep and everlasting love you can nurture between husband and wife. It is a vehicle for you to figure out how to teach your children about purity and why sex when you are not married is not a goal but a trap.

How do you talk to your children about marriage and sex and dating?