I was sitting in my window seat this morning, watching the rain come in to wash away the smoke from that awful fire that has choked most of California for so many days. It is a glorious feeling to be able to open the windows and smell that fresh, moist air once again.
How do distant fires, spewing smoke and blotting the sun, relate to an untamable tongue? Hang tight and I will get there.
I sit in my window seat each morning to think, read, study, and drink coffee before my kids wake and the house begins to bustle. It is time for me to reflect. Today I was in the midst of reading today’s section of the Bible, when the words flew off the page and hit me. Smack! It was a section of James:3 in which he writes of the untamable tongue.
Why? Well, I lived most of my life with an untamable tongue.
My untamable tongue rose because I lived in a sea of strife and anger and sadness. I think that those are the emotions that feed the untamable tongue most strongly. Sadly, many environments reward the untamable tongue with doctoral degrees and raises and a social media following. But it eats at your insides and corrupts your heart. At least it did mine.
It wasn’t until I was older, with children and a loving husband, that I broke free of my untamable tongue. It was only the kind, patient demonstration by my husband that led me to that spot.
Now I realize that if you feel peace and joy and have hope, you are not plagued by an untamable tongue. Sadly, regret and despair tamed my tongue as well but I suppose it makes sense. Introspection is the key. If you are focused on hearts, joyful as well as broken, you can tame your tongue. I suppose this is part of the reason for striving to love your brother and your enemy equally. It is all about your heart and your soul.
I think that the untamable tongue rises more quickly when our selves are hidden behind the veil of an email or social media. We are tricked into thinking there are fewer risks. That we can get away with one quick sharp word. But in many ways it is the opposite I think. A sharp word slipped in private with your husband is more easily fixed that a public and generalized bout of anger.
Children seem particularly prone to the untamable tongue and so I have thought a lot about how to guide my own over the years.
I do not think you can teach it overtly. They may listen, but they will not likely take it to heart.
I do not think you can even guide their way with instruction as they succumb to a harsh word. It may change their behavior in the short term, but I do not think the understand why.
I really think that the only way to help your children avoid the untamable tongue is to demonstrate for them how to live. How to think of other’s hearts before your own. How to show compassion for others. And how those acts change your own heart and bring you peace and happiness.
I still feel tempted by my untamable tongue from time to time. But now I try to stop and hold that tongue for a bit until the temptation to let it fly passes.
So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things.
See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire!
– James 3:5
