Today I came face-to-face with a new person. My daughter is no longer that child I laughed with and nurtured and marveled over for more than a decade. As we sat down to work on some grammar, there was a difference between us that was not there yesterday. I was no longer guiding my girl through her studies.
Today I was transported to this new world where my young lady consults with me as she guides her own learning. Granted, it feels very strange. This new reality to our homeschooling world demands that I treat my daughter as a full person with her own goals and aims and I am simply there to answer her questions.
She is now navigating, charting a course towards her own future.
Faced with this new reality between us, I found myself doubting yesterday’s plan. I think doubting your actions can be detrimental, but to a point, the process of doubting allows you to re-evaluate a situation and adjust. Re-evaluating and adjusting is something that I have done almost weekly since we began this homeschooling journey. But today was different. Today required the kind of adjustment that causes rivers to change their course.
I am no longer in full control. I now have to trust that all those years of charting the path and holding the lantern so my children can see the light and follow me, have prepared them to continue on a course that challenges them and allows them to become those great and learned adults I hope they will become.
Given that I now am left with less control over them, where can I get the confidence to trust?
Today I recognized that moment where my confidence faltered as a moment I had seen my mother reach many, many years ago. The difference between us, however, is that she lost her confidence permanently that day so long ago and resorted to manipulation and passive control. And thanks to that past experience, today I recognized the path she took and found the courage to trust my daughter and myself.
